When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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