Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
