I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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