dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
