so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
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The beers last night were like the tears from god
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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