god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
