Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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