Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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