the condom got lost in my hair
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
