I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
