if you like me you must not know who I am
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
