All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
