Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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