we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
