drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dignity is for republicans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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