Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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