so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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