I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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