So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
