she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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