When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
