All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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