i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize