I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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