What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
