We're facebook friends in real life
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
