oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
