Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
