I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
