Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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