why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
