I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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