I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize