dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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