Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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