Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
