My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
