she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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