The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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