Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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