Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
