By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
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Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
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He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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