My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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