I hate your face
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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