last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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