i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
