Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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