I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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