i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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