I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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