i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
