So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
