what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
