i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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