Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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