Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
