Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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