Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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