You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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