i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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