So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
