i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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