All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
