i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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