I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
