That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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