You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
