He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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