oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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