Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
