I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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