I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
