We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
