He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
