nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
